Death Note: Just Apologize
by New Level Darkness
Summary: The Kira case has been putting Mello on edge lately, and nothing Matt does seems to help. Mello just keeps going downhill. How bad will things get before things become permanent? Can Matt repair their dying friendship? Angst/friendship/hurt/comfort/drama


This is part 1 of a Matt & Mello friendship fic i'm writing. I'll try to get part 2 up asap, but I haven't been very inspired lately. You know what inspires me? Compliments and criticism. Its possible that if I get more of that, you get more of this. Mello and Matt (c) Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata.

* * *

"I just don't _get it_!" Mello thundered, sending all of the contents on his desk into the air with one swift motion. "Who is Kira? And why can't I find him?!" He rose from his chair and pushed it back harder than necessary, toppling it over along with his wooden desk. Matt started from his spot on the bed, his PSP in hand. He eyed Mello with concern as he lifted the goggles from his face.

"You need to calm down, Mel," he said slowly. He flinched when Mello spun around and stormed at him, wearing an expression that would've made anyone other than Matt tear up.

"How can I calm down when Kira is killing people?!" He roared. "Do you think Kira will wait for me?! Do you think Near will wait for me?!" his chest heaved angrily as he waited for Matt's reply.

"Oh, so this is about Near?" Matt said with a sigh. He regretted it only a second later when Mello's face contorted even further.

"You don't know what he's put me through!!" he spat, his hands shooting from his sides to grab at the front of Matt's shirt. Mello pulled him down to his eye level and their eyes met for a brief second, Mello's blue and infuriated and Matt's swimming with shock and worry. The blonde recognized the look Matt was giving him. He let go quickly and sunk to the floor, thunking his head against the side of the bed.

"You just… don't get it," he murmured. Still recovering from Mello's sudden violence, Matt stared at the top of his friend's head, at a loss for words. Luckily, he didn't need to say any words of comfort quite yet because Mello was starting up again.

"I've always been second. Always. You don't know how degrading that is, because you don't care," It almost seemed like an insult, but Matt didn't think that was its intended purpose. "Me, well, I care too much. And that doesn't work out for me because… because I'm not good enough," he finished with a defeated sigh. It was a sound so unlike the blonde…

Matt hesitantly reached for Mello's shoulder and grasped it firmly. "I think you're good enough," he said softly.

"Please," Mello mumbled, sweeping his hand away. He lifted himself from the floor and, ignoring Matt's dejected expression, opened the door. "I'm going out for a bit," He hesitated in the door frame, as if he was going to say more. Matt waited silently, hoping for a "Sorry" or at least a "Goodbye", but Mello continued out the door without saying a word. The door closed behind him with a loud squeak.

"Mello, what's wrong with you?…" Matt sighed as he slipped the goggles from his head and tossed them on the floor. He set his PSP next to them before lying down on the bed, the fluffy pillow suggesting the enticing idea of swallowing him up. The digital clock that had been on Mello's desk before was now on the hardwood floor in the far corner. Matt had to squint to read it, but the time was obviously somewhere around 2 in the morning. No wonder Mello had been on edge; he didn't usually go to bed this late, and the Kira case must have finally gotten to him.

Matt closed his eyes in an attempt to get to sleep, but thoughts of Mello's enraged face were floating through his head, demanding attention. It was no problem ignoring them until he remembered the expression that Mello had had on his face when he had hesitated in the doorway. A look of hurt, depression, sadness. Matt wasn't sure where that had even come from. Mello was usually the strong persistent type; he didn't give in to emotions like anguish very easily. Matt suspected that he was just tired, or maybe he was dealing with a lot of stress. This _was_ the Kira case after all.

But still, Matt couldn't help but worry. That look on Mello's face had just been too much…

--

Mello scoffed when the rain hit him halfway through his walk. It figured that the sky picked this night to cry.

He continued to splash along the sidewalk, his boots thudding softly, without lifting his hood. It would do little at this point.

Urging himself onward, he told himself to stop thinking about Matt. Sure, Mello hadn't been very nice to him, but when was Mello ever nice to anyone?

_He told you that you were good enough._ His conscience reminded him. That was true… But he had only said it to make him feel better. Matt hadn't meant a word of it.

_Of course he did, he's your best friend. _

Mello didn't argue. He didn't have the energy for it. He also didn't have a good comeback. What was he supposed to say? Matt wasn't his best friend? That would've been his biggest lie ever, and what good does it do when you lie to yourself?

He yawned quietly as he hurried down the sidewalk. Why he was hurrying, he wasn't sure. It wasn't like he had anything better to do. Suddenly, that changed. A group of teenagers was huddled under a large umbrella on the other side of the street, their loud voices carrying all the way to Mello. He paled when he heard the words "love", "support", and "Kira" in the same sentence. Thoughts of tearing their limbs off flashed through his mind and he sprinted across the street.

His heart skipped a beat when he saw headlights headed straight for him.

This car was going to hit him.

"Not today…" he growled as he threw himself on the sidewalk, the car's angry tires just missing his feet. He indignantly thrust his middle finger at the car's driver, who unfortunately didn't seem to see him.

Mello stared wide-eyed at his boots, his breath ragged. His life had almost ended just like that. It had been a close call… too close. He could've been dead, and he hadn't even apologized to Matt for being such a prick. He shakily rose from the ground and disposed of all thoughts concerning the stupid teenagers from before. He had to talk to Matt.

--

92, 93, 94, 95...

Matt had his eyes squeezed shut, silently counting Tetris blocks in his head (he had given up counting sheep long ago). He nervously glanced at the clock in the corner with one eye. It was around 3 now… Mello had been gone for a while. He hoped that the stupid blonde hadn't gone and gotten himself in trouble again.

Suddenly, the door clicked open and Matt shut his eyes. He was already sprawled out across the bed, so his sleeping act should've been fairly convincing. And apparently, it was. Mello truly believed that Matt was sound asleep as he walked across the room and rested his eyes on the red-head's peaceful face. He let out a disappointed sigh, which quickly turned into a yawn, before picking the jumbled blankets from the floor and draping them across Matt's body.

"Going to sleep without covers," Mello mumbled to himself, unaware of his friend's listening ears. "Stupid Matt…"

Mello didn't want to wake Matt up just to talk. The poor guy was probably tired from getting yelled at all day.

'_I'll just talk to him tomorrow,'_ Mello reasoned as he peeled his soaked leather clothes from his skin and let them fall to the floor. His boxers were somewhat moist, but he didn't feel like picking out new ones. His hair was frizzy and wet but he didn't find it in him to care. He just stumbled over to his bed on the other side of the room, hid himself under his blankets, and buried his face in his pillow.

Tomorrow, he'd talk to Matt…

Tomorrow…


End file.
